Think. Believe. Rethink.

Are we women yet?

To the friendships that consumed us, to the memories tucked away in our hearts, and to the women we’ll become because of each other…

Sad is the day, lost are my thoughts, moist are my eyes and broken is my heart, as I sit here alone. I see six young girls walking together, they’re giggling and joking. They walk past me, seeing right through me. They’re beautiful and their laughs are affectionate. To an onlooker it would immediately be obvious that they’re very comfortable with each other. All of them start ticking one girl, she’s rather petite. She’s very pretty, but she looks like the kind of girl everyone makes fun of. To me it seems like they treat her like a younger sister. Then they all start laughing, clutching their stomachs, and she makes an offended face. But it’s mock offense; I can see her trying to not laugh too. Finally she gives in. They throw their arms around her, mollycoddling her. I see her compassion and how she’s blossomed into a mature girl. I see her love and her devotion to her friends. She understands the value of relationships. She’s easy to love.

I get lost in my thoughts. I remember my childhood and my friends. It all just seems too familiar. It’s been a while since I talked to any of them. I wonder how they’re doing, I wonder if they’re in touch with each other. I wonder if they think about me.

A loud voice interrupts my thoughts; I look up and see, a tall thin girl is animatedly using her hands. She has a killer figure. She appears to be mimicking someone, and from far she does look bizarre. They other girls look like they’re suffocating from laughter, and she has an expression, which says, “Well this is how it really was!” I hear one of them say, “ God, you’re so hilarious, I’m gonna die laughing!” I see wisdom on her face. She’s radiant with intelligence and wit. She’s the kind of person you feel compelled towards. She’s beautiful.

I remember sobbing, and looking at my friends through tear coated eyelashes. I remember promising them to keep them in my heart forever. I remember their reassuring whispers how we’re always going to be there for each other. Today I sit on this bench alone. I still have them in my heart; the question is, “Do they?” I’m not sure if I want to find out.

Now the group of girls stand up and start playing around, and one of them with flushed red cheeks, and pretty hair gestures a girl as if wanting to tell her a secret. She burps loudly and the other girl scrunches up her nose and say’s “Eww, why do I know you?” They girl with the pretty cheeks starts laughing. Then she hits the other girl on the butt and runs away. She seems playful and carefree, yet I can see her love and affection for her friends. I can see how optimistic she is and her innocence was evident. She is the idealistic amongst them. Two girls start arguing and I see her try to pacify a fight between them, one of them is skinny with short curly hair and the other is kind of short by saying, “Okay how about we stop arguing. No point fighting.” I can see how she despises when things aren’t smooth.

Now the skinny girl with curly hair, she’s fierce. She heatedly argues with the short girl. Then when everyone seems to disagree with her, the puts her nose in the air and I hear her say, “Whatever.” But she seems pissed of. But after some time when one of her friends is sad, I see her go up to her and comfort her. I see her explaining and guiding the little girl who everyone made fun of. She holds her hand and gives her a kiss on her cheek. To me she seems like the kind of girl who is strong and independent. She seems like the safety net for her friends. She’s always taking care of others. She has a beauty that she carries with grace and elegance.

I remember how beautiful all my friends are. I used to think I was so lucky, because I had found soul sisters in my friends. And after years of not seeing them, I could still feel our love, our integrity and our loyalty to each other. I could feel that even when all us were in different parts of the world our hearts were still young like that of these young girls.

I see the girls sit in circle on the grass, and I immediately know what they’re doing; they’re gossiping. Every once in a while I hear this short girl wearing glasses, squeal, “Oh my god! Really?” Her astonishment is endearing. They other girls laugh at her reactions and give each other knowing looks. Then suddenly she screams, “ I don’t believe it! You’re lying, please tell me you’re lying.” Her frantic expression and the other’s mischievous smiles amuse me. I look at the girl and I see how she’s shielded from the world. I see how she’s passive and only knows of the good that happens. But in her demeanor I also see maturity beyond her years, I see a steadfast dedication and I see her will. Once she decides she wants something, she gets it. Her will power colors her entire aura. It’s alluring and intimidating.

I remember how my friends and I had been a group nobody messed with. People were wary of us. We were to closely knit to allow others in and to strong in our unity for anyone to stand up to us. Loyalty, I feel was our greatest asset. And when I saw these girls I felt a certain allure towards them. They were enigmatic and deadly. They felt familiar, somehow close to my heart. Then I remembered how we used to be these girls. How this was my childhood. I had been lurking in the shadows of my past.

I feel these memories tug at my heart. I feel forever indebted to these girls who gave me a home, a place where I belonged. I feel the pain and the loss we have suffered. I feel the love that was in our fingertips when we held hands. I feel the loneliness that engulfs me without them. I feel the void in my heart that no else could fill. I feel the longing of my heart that yearns for things to be the way they were.

I love you

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